Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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