Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
