I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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