I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
