The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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