i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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