FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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