So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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