I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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