You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
