Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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