I looked at my own cervix.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
