If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
