You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
