Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
