I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you had me at cake vodka
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want nice things and good sex
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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