I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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