i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
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You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize