Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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