her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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