That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
