Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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