i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
NoShamevember. You game?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize