Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.