3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
