note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.