I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
A+ Viking dick