you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.