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• (530): View more from California

  shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

  (1-530): View more from California

  just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

  (530): View more from California

  yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic

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• (281): View more from Texas

  She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.

  (1+44): View more from

  I regret nothing

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (907): View more from Alaska

  Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless

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• (646): View more from New York

  The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow

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