Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
