In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
