Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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