wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
