she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dick very happy bro
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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