but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
