"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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