I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
