conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Houston, we have a squirter
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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