i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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