I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
