The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
