Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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