Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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