In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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