I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
pop tarts are not kleenex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
