TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
