dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
