wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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