apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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