I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The adults are the big ones right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
