Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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