at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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