Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
