dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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