Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I won the penis lottery.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize