Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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