I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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