i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
