His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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