your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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