i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
