Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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