He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
