answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
