I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
