Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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