garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
