I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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