oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
