Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
