Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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