OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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