I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
