I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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