What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
