Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
